What the hell...

I've decided not to wait purely because I'm terrible at withholding any sort of information - don't tell me secrets because I can't even keep my own.

The bad news first.
I know I said I wouldn't blog about this but I think it's important and as much as I want people searching the web for chalazion surgery to be able to ask me questions about the eye surgery I endured, I also want strangers to be able to ask me questions about this. As a fair warning though - there is a lot of information here some of it you might not want to know and I apologize for that.

Basically I found out I have abnormal cervix cells about a year and a half ago. The next procedure is to do a coloposcy and biopsy. I had this done January 07 and now again February 08 (they have to do this procedure every time the results come back as abnormal). The results from the biopsy I just had came back. They took three biopsies (different areas of cells I assume) 2 came back as low grade abnormalities which is nothing to worry about and the third came back as pre-cancerous.

The pre-cancerous cells have to be removed and they do a procedure called a LEEP Cone Biopsy to get rid of all of the precancerous cervix cells. I won't go into all the scary stuff associated with it I'll just say--it's scheduled for March 6th, I hope everything goes well and I'm just happy it's not cancer.

My other point in writing this is that what I have is associated with a strain of HPV (you can google it). By age 50, 80% of women will have been diagnosed with HPV. Some older women get diagnosed with it after decades of having the same partner (it just shows up later - this happened to my mom). Although only a few strains cause what I have. Condoms do not protect against spreading this virus and there are no tests for men. There is a new vaccine against the virus (I'm sure you've seen the commercials) and although they don't recommend it for women over 26, if you know or are a younger woman, please get the vaccine or encourage younger women to get the vaccine. They reccomend girls 11 or 12 years old get it so they are protected against HPV before they have sex. I don't wish for anyone to have to go through this unnecessarily and really besides abstinence the vaccine is the only way to protect yourself.

Okay...enough about that,
the Good News:
I've been offered and accepted a job and will be moving March 25th. I've decided to move to Phoenix, Az.

I know, Phoenix?! But it is actually perfect for me at this point in my life and I need a new adventure. My sister lives in Phoenix, I've been offered a higher paying job with a small firm that does things in an extremely fair, non-political way; and the rent in Phoenix is literally 1/2 of what I pay for double the area. I am a 5 hour drive from southern california or a 1 hour flight which makes traveling for the weekend to San Diego or home much less stressful.

I've given myself a month to get everything here figured out and I will be living at my sister's apartment (they have a spare bedroom) for the first month or so until I find a place. Everyone's welcome to visit as always =) Ah I can't wait to get my tan back!

So much going on

I am finding it incredibly difficult to blog right now because there is so much I want to say but can't - yet. I can share my big news very, very soon.

I am thankful for:

1. My dad who for some reason is the only person that is capable of giving me that parental support where anything I do will turn out fine. I appreciate the judgement and tough love I get from my mom and sister but there is something so satisfying in knowing my dad is just going to smile and say "You'll be fine, I'm excited for you and I think you are making a good decision."

I imagine that the reason he is able to do this is because we are both insanely optimistic. However, because there must be some ying to the yang - - my mom is the opposite and my sister took that trait. My brother is some where in the middle between completely oblivious to so wrapped up in what he's doing he didn't notice there was anyone else in the family. But I suppose that's why we love him - cause it makes him...him.

Regardless, I'm thankful that my dad always has the right answer...the right answer for me at least.

2. I watched the Darjeeling Limited which is a movie i typically would enjoy. It's independent, quirky, has a ton of symbolism that is conveyed through humor, etc etc - - and I didn't love it. I didn't hate and maybe I just wasn't in the mood, but I think the movie was just alright. Regardless, I do love watching a movie on my beautiful little lap top in bed when it's freezing and windy outside.

3. Some tears to show I'm human.

BURRRR!

I had a great weekend doing the Polar Bear Plunge and going to Atlantic City for the weekend. Here are some pictures, Flickr is being difficult but they'll all be up there later.
The weather was 35 degrees outside, and 38 degrees in the water. The worst part was after taking my uggs off and standing on the sand - it made my feet burn they were so cold. Around 3,000 people participated in the plunge and overall it was an awesome experience.






Thankful for: good friends, exciting new possibilities, and being alive.

(Paul preparing to be the towel boy)

This weekend was one of those ones where I got a lot of good news and some equally bad news. The good news comes to me in the form of my upcoming move/financial/jobby stuff and the bad news comes in the form of biopsy results. I don't know details yet and to be honest I probably won't share details here because I only like to dwell on the good stuff but I'm sure everything will turn out okay.

Not so funny

1. The John Oliver comedy show that I went to last night with Paul. The show was taped and is going to be aired on Comedy central which made it a little more exciting then just a regular comedy show. Overall it was pretty funny, a little too political but still funny.

2. While waiting for the show we had to stand in a line outside for almost an hour. I'm guessing that the temperature was somewhere around 30 degrees and possibly much colder. My point is - I was freezing. By the time we got to the front door I was incapable of feeling my toes and my fingers were going numb even though they were in leather gloves.

I couldn't help but feel incredibly bad that I was complaining when there are people that have to live in that. After my hour of complaining and jumping around, pretending I was in a marching band, playing frogger by stomping on Paul's feet and doing everything else imaginable to take my mind of the fact I was slowly getting hypothermia - - I was escorted into a warm theatre where I got to watch a comedy show for an hour or so, get in a cab, go home and snuggle into my warm bed. There are plenty of people that are not as lucky as me and I would never wish for anyone to have to endure being homeless in New York during the winter - or anytime for that matter.

3. Yummy thai food, sending orders back, and wondering if I should have worn my red sleeveless jersey.

Getting there

**I'm still only 1/2 way through and I totally cheated and started reading Hillary Clinton's autobiography at the same time**

From the Q'uran:

"...be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say no word that shows impatience with them, and do not be harsh with them, but speak to them respectfully and lower your wing in humility towards them in kindness and say, 'Lord, have mercy on them, just as they cared for me when I was little.' "

I particularly like this one because my mom is always so worried about one of us kids being around to take care of her when she's older. She absolutely dreads being stuck in a retirement home - and I don't blame her. I've always believed in other cultures cycle of family: grandparents take care of their kids' children while they work, parents take care of their parents. It's a different understanding of family and community.

And another:

"When you get into distress at sea, those you pray to besides Him desert you, but when He brings you back safe to land you turn away: man is ever ungrateful. Can you be sure that God will not have you swallowed up into the earth when you are back on land, or that He will not send a sandstorm against you? Then you will find no one to protect you. Or can you be sure that He will not send you back out to sea, and send a violent storm against you to drown you for being so ungrateful? You will find no helper against Us there."

Pretty self explanatory. As humans we ask for [a higher power] God's help in difficult times and then easily forget how we might have something or someone to be thankful for after the crisis is over.

And one that I am not fond of:

"Say, 'Shall we tell you who has the most to lose by their actions, whose efforts in this world are misguided, even when they think they are doing good work? It is those who disbelieve in their Lord's messages and deny that they will meet Him.' Their deeds come to nothing: on the Day of Resurrection We shall give them no weight."


I guess I may be interpreting this one wrong but I don't understand and have never understood how someone devoting their lives to doing good things but never believing in God makes them deserving of hell.

Where to?

My weekend in Austin was pretty amazing. After the weather changed from miserably raining to total sunshine, the city really started to grow on me. It's funny how on vacation - no matter how long you are there it never does seem long enough. Maybe that's why everywhere I visit I end up wanting to live there...just for a while...just to check it out.

Recap...pictures on Flickr after Amy's mom sends them.

1. The Spazmatics- - probably one of the best shows ever just because of the coordinated dance moves and hilarious costumes - - oh and the 80's covers didn't hurt either. What did hurt was when some drunk girl landed on my foot with her stiletto heel.

2. Being able to see the warehouse district, sixth street, lake travis, tons of restaurants, walk along the river, Round Rock, etc etc.

3. Fun late nights of cards and chaos.

4. Realizing how much I don't like that New York guys will tell you what they do and where they went to school within the first 2 minutes of meeting you - - even if you meet them in Austin.

5. Having amy's parents there to hold our extra clothes and be waiting at the end.


6. Prospects for the Boise Marathon in May.

7. Texas accents.

Everything is ___ in Texas.

1.  I'm thankful I had the opportunity to donate blood this Valentine's Day and hopefully help save someone some place.  

2.  That I'm confident there is a reason God keeps testing me with one thing after another.  It does make me stronger and as hard and scary as it is, I'm sure that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to. 

3. That I'm leaving for Austin, Texas in about 10 hours to explore a new city and run a 1/2 marathon.  

And of course...I'm loving Valentine's Day as always because even though it's semi-obnoxious, some men really do only show their wives/girlfriends they care on valentine's day.  And some people use it as an extra excuse to meet their friends for dinner and a movie (as if we needed an excuse).  Wonderful evening.  Oh, and "Definitely, Maybe" was a pretty cute movie.

I Always Get What I Want

Snow, lots and lots of snow.

1. Not falling on the way home - although I had a few close calls.

2. The beautiful way my street looks when it's covered with white snow, it's kind of magical.

3. Warm food and a warm bed. I'm a very grateful person.

On a side note, I watched Across the Universe and I have to say - I wasn't that impressed. The story is good, the idea of making it a musical with The Beatles songs is amazing, the actors were talented, the ending was happy - But...what's with all the introduction of odd animation? I get the purpose most of it was trying to convey but it was so unnecessary. There is already enough going on in the movie that it could definitely avoided trying to introduce animated art into the film.

Gratitude

First, thanks for the support in the form of comments and text message - I appreciate it more than you probably know.

Things I'm thankful for from yesterday and the weekend:

1. Sending care packages to some people I care about.

2. Scrabble - the real version.

3. When the things that matter don't change.

4. The Crab Cooker.

5. Liberty

6. Getting interesting text messages reminding me yet again why I've decided to stop drinking. Yet also making me laugh "for old times sake."

7. "We can't build our dreams on suspicious minds." - Elvis

8. Finding really funny things on the internet...like people "just browsing and having fun." haha

And,

In all seriousness - I watched North Country last night and it was a pretty good movie, a little sad and not quite what I expected it to be but absolutely made me proud of how far we have come to try and make sure that people are treated fairly.

Nothing is perfect and stigmas will always exist. There are some jobs that all women can't do, but there are some jobs that all men can't do. I guess the point is I'm thankful for all the people in history that have put themselves out there so the rest of us can have a better life. And all the people that are going to do it in the future - because we aren't even close to perfect.

i asked for snow not freezing temperatures

I stopped drinking. I realize that anyone that has known me in the last...well, a lot of years would say "yeah right." And to be honest it's only been a week, a whole big seven days, but it's what I'm doing. There is no specific reason or event that caused me to make this decision - it's kind of a culmination of the fact it's expensive, I drink too often, and it just isn't as thrilling as it used to be.

In all fairness another reason is because I took about a year off from drinking my senior year in high school and that was some of the best times of my life. i don't think anyone needs alcohol I think it becomes convenient, a filler from dealing with what actually might be in front of you. A way to be irresponsible and have something to blame when you make poor decisions or loose your cell phone. And something to do. Not that I haven't also been finishing marathons and triathlons and going ice skating and just about everything else you can think of. But then I think...what could I have been doing with all that time I've been at the bar? Have I met some quality people and had some amazing conversations - yes. But sometimes in life we just know that it's time to move on.

Although seven days seems like a small number it is actually quite larger when you are roommates with your drinking partner, surrounded by a city where "lets grab a drink" is a more common phrase than hello, and your family's first words when hearing about your sobriety are: "I'm going to change that."

Here's wishing me luck and understanding.

Subway

I was riding on the subway yesterday and came across a few revelations.


1. First I felt a connection to this man, not a sexual connection, not an "I know him connection" - - just a connection. He had an old coat and paint on his shoes and I was looking at his hand on the pole and it was a little worn - like he'd actually used his hands before to make or do actual things besides trade stocks on a computer. His skin was black and extremely clear looking - as though he had been moisturizing his skin for years (although I doubt that is true). And his eyes, they just looked sad. I'm not sure what had happened to him that day, I'm not sure what had happened in his life - but I wanted to hold his hand. I can't explain it and I'm not even going to try. I didn't hold his hand, but when I left the subway he smiled at me as I was getting off. Not a creepy perv smile, a genuine smile. And it made my day.





2. The poem on the subway - I'm not even sure I agree with it but it made me stop and think.





"Is there something to desire"





If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret,
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.


If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.


- Vera Pavlova



3. Might have to wait for another day where my explanation skills are more up to par.


Enjoy your weekend ~ I'm going home to california to see my puppy and the fam tomorrow morning at 5am.

This is a Rant

First, I was really excited about the primaries and how enthusiastic America is. What a concept to actually care what happens and who runs our government - lets just hope that people continue to care.

I try to stay away from politics and all things ultra controversial but...what the hell. I hope Hillary Clinton wins. But I wouldn't be disappointed if Obama is our next President.


I realize that people are opposed to Hillary because she seems bitchy, fake, or really they just don't like the fact that she's a woman and supposedly women are irrational or sentimental. I have to say -- after electing Bush and him making a complete mess of everything we don't say -- damn it happened because he's an incompetent man - - we say damn it happened because he's stupid George W. Bush. Give women a chance because lordy knows we've given men - I mean George - too many chances.


I get that most Republicans vote for Republicans because they are conservative...with their money. And that's fine when everything else is running semi smoothly, but we have BIGGER problems right now. And I say we because if the biggest thing you have to worry about is your taxes . . . then you have a lot to be thankful for and obviously haven't thought about anyone else in America in a long time.


My Thankfullness for yesterday:

1. A really fun time at the Rangers game with Amy and her man.
2. A biopsy that was only mildly painful.
3. Watching people stand on cop cars and chant "Boston Sucks" at the Giants Parade.

Inspired

1. I'm watching a PBS Documentary about Art in the twenty first century. It looks at different aspects of contemporary art and by interviewing the artist gives some insight into why they create what they create and what actually makes it art. Honestly, the reason this interested me is because I love art - but I don't understand modern art. Most of the time I look at it and think - "I could do that" or "What the hell were they thinking, that isn't beautiful."

Interesting enough, after seeing and listening to the artist speak about their work I can almost find some of it beautiful. And if not beautiful then interesting because they actually were thinking when they made it (even though at times it looks like a hodge podge of nothing). I think what I like most is being able to appreciate something that I didn't appreciate before - I guess that's why I like running now, I guess that's why I like a lot of the things I enjoy.

2. Paula Radcliffe - what a freaking inspiration. She ran a 10k while she was 6 months pregnant in 42 minutes. While preggers she slowed her training from 5:30 min miles to 6:30 min miles which was relaxing for her. Seriously amazing what women can do. And I'm not a feminist, just a really impressed fan. I'm all for the US, but I hope she wins the gold in Beijing.

3. The fact that with my sister's Delta benefits I'm flying home for a mere $200 this weekend. And hopefully I'm going to convince my mom to get Liberty a friend to play with...I'm sure she's bored without her regular marathon training runs.

And the President is...

1. Sometimes life offers you changes and sometimes you have to make them. Sometimes making them isn't easy because changes involve other people. I'm aware that time changes people and I'm aware that circumstances change as well. But I still find it exceptionally hard to disappoint people. As much as I find it hard and I know it won't be easy - I'm really happy, happy for me.

2. I re-read a nasty letter I had recieved about three years ago from a member of my fraternity that didn't like my actions as President. He questioned my morals and made statements about how I didn't live in the real world but instead existed in my own bubble. I found it very interesting to learn that he is 3 years older than me, being supported by his parents and has an upcoming interview as an actor. I wish him the best of luck but as much as I know it's terrible - - it makes me smile inside to know he isn't doing bigger things.

3. Lastly, I'm thankful that people actually care about this election. Even though it took a really bad President for people to care - I guess sometimes that is just how things work

4. And...the Giants Won!

A Saturday Post, oh my!

1. I have always believed that chiropractors were a load of crap. After running the marathon I tried a little 2 miler and found that I was having incredible hip pain in my right hip. After a little research on handy google (what did people do without the internet?) I discovered the reason was likely because one of my legs is longer then the other.

When I was in 6th grade and they test everyone for scoliosis they thought I had it. I went to an orthopedic specialist who said "one leg was longer than the other" and told me to put a lift in one shoe. I didn't.

After a little more research I found that I should check out a chiropractor to find out if they can do anything or to get a measurement for the difference in my leg lengths.

Well, I think I'm hooked. She made her adjustments and I guess my leg went from almost an inch difference to less then 1/4 of an inch different. Can you believe my spine was that out of whack? Anyway, my posture feels better (I can't slouch) and the whole experience was pretty sweet. I'm going back on Monday to get re-checked and make sure I don't also need to see an orthopedic specialist.

Damn, I've hopped on another band wagon - chiropractors are awesome.

2. Drinking less booze, a lot less.

3. Actually doing all those things that have been on my to-do list for weeks.

Everything...and More.

1. Dinner at JoJo with Paul (my foodie friend) and the movie 27 dresses. 27 dresses was actually really cute - predictable yes, but that's the reason I like love stories so much. Despite the reviews I thought this was actually a pretty good one. And although Paul complained that he didn't see Rambo once in the whole movie, I think he secretly enjoyed it. Or maybe he enjoyed watching Katherine Heigel for 2 hours? Either way it was a fun night.

2. I had my review for work and I'm getting a bonus. I'd love to be more excited about this but I'm kind of apathetic - primarily because another co-worker who doesn't deserve a bonus got one as well. What is the point of trying hard if everyone is rewarded the same? The money is nice though.

3. The cute coat I've been eyeing that went on sale and accidentaly ended up in my online shopping cart... And will be arriving in a week. Oops! =) Yes it's plaid, and I like it.

**Enjoy the superbowl! Amy and I are having a party in our tiny apartment with 10 or so people (should be interesting) and then hitting the bars. Hope you've got some exciting plans. Go Giants!**